Today begins part two of my personal story of discernment.  My hope and prayer is that it will be an encouragement to you.

     So I began to work with a spiritual director and at the same time I applied for the Diploma in the Art of Spiritual Direction (DASD) program.  I was not accepted the first year I applied but I was encouraged to re-apply for the following year.  In the interim, believing that this was what God was calling me to do, I felt strongly that I should have a seminary education in addition to training in spiritual direction. 

     Still working with the coach and now under spiritual direction, I began to explore this for my life.  Now in my mid forties,and still struggling with a teenage daughter who had now given me a grandson and had brought major turmoil into my family, I still had the question of seminary within me.  My coach reminded me of the story of Peter and his walking on the water.  The emphasis of our conversation was not on his walking, but just the initial step out of the boat.  If this is what God wanted for me to do I would need to step out of the boat.  The story is found in Matthew’s gospel about midway in chapter fourteen.  To paraphrase it and put it into context, Jesus had just fed about five thousand people and he then sends his disciples out in a boat ahead of him as he sends the crowds away.  From there he goes to a mountain to pray and very early in the morning he comes walking out on the water to them.  they have been tossed about by waves and wind and when they see him they think that he is a ghost.  As they cry out, he calms them down by reassuring them that it is he.  He tells them not to be afraid.  Peter then speaks up and says to Jesus, Lord if it is you command me to come to you on the water.  Jesus says come, so Peter gets out of the boat and begins to walk towards Jesus.  But, he then notices the waves and the wind and becomes frightened and begins to sink.  In the process he cries out to Jesus for help.  Jesus responds and reaches out his hand to grab him and asks Peter, you of little faith why did you doubt?  They then proceed together back to the boat and the wind and the waves calm down.

     My coach’s encouragement to me was to just take the initial step and to let God continue to reveal what it was that he had for me.  I prayed a lot about it.  I spoke to my wife about it and she too felt strongly about me going.  So I applied to seminary and was accepted.

     During this time the struggles with my daughter were more intense and our neighbors no longer wanted us in the neighborhood which we had been in for almost twelve years.  It was the Christmas holidays, work was slow and my job was about to change.  With all this going on my wife and I still felt strongly that I should take the step and go.  And that the Lord would take care of it all.  we now needed to move by the new year and my job was going to change so dramatically that I decided not to stay.  No job and no place to live and I was going to seminary? It seemed crazy.  We found a new place to live and moved.  The house needed a lot of work and my rent was offset by me fixing up and remodeling the place.  At the same time I entered the winter semester and began just one class.  I had definitely stepped out of the boat and the wind and waves were there to toss me and my family about.

Picture: Sunlit Path by Peter Kaminski